Cox “Take Charge” Initiative is dedicated to finding ways to keep kids and teens safe online. Here are some great tips AND Cox is giving away $50 to one reader. To enter to win the $50.00 gift card, visit Cox here and tell me your favorite tip in the comments.
How Technology Can Coexist With Kids in a Healthy Way
When parents come to me with questions about how to monitor their kid’s technology, it’s almost always after they’ve discovered something – a questionable photo on Instagram, a conversation with a stranger, usage when they should have been doing their homework. No matter how conscious and proactive parents are about setting limits in other areas, often they don’t create boundaries around technology until a boundary has already been crossed. And no wonder: Many say they simply don’t know where to begin. If they ban chatting on one device, they think, their kids will find a way to do it on another. Others parents say they didn’t realize how much time their kids actually spent staring at screens.
Believe it or not, according to recent studies, kids ages 8 to 18 spend more than seven and a half hours a day on various devices, often while multitasking. But while too much technology use is associated with lower grades and shortened attention spans, it also creates wonderful opportunities for parents and kids alike that none of us would want to give up. So here are a few ways to start thinking about how technology can coexist with kids in a healthy way.
Establish your policy up front. Earlier this year, when a mom named Jannel Burley Hoffman gave her 13-year-old son his first iPhone, it came not just with a data plan, but with a contract. Among the points: She would have his password; if she or her husband called, her son was always to pick up; there would be no porn viewing or sending or receiving inappropriate photos; he would have access to his phone during certain hours only; if he accidentally lost or broke his phone, he would be responsible for its replacement cost. Clarifying rules early on is a win-win for everyone. Kids learn that with freedom comes responsibility, and parents can feel reassured that while kids will make mistakes, they don’t have to come up with a consequence (often an overreaction) on the fly. It’s all in the contract.
Make manners matter. Because we parents were born before Facebook existed, we learned our manners offline. If we did something rude, we apologized, and our bad judgment didn’t live in cyberspace for eternity. For this reason, kids need to know that if they wouldn’t say something offline to a person’s face, they shouldn’t text, post or e-mail that comment, either. Likewise, if they wouldn’t cut off a person sitting across the table from them mid-sentence, they shouldn’t start texting somebody else when that real live person they’re hanging out with is mid-sentence. It may seem obvious to us, but many kids need a reminder that while technology is cool, human beings – with feelings – are the ones who are using it.
Don’t give in to peer pressure…from your kids! Even if you set limits, inevitably your child will try to get you to change your mind with, “But everyone else my age has [fill in the blank]!” If you feel your kid isn’t ready for something – a Facebook account, an iPhone – listen to your gut. Yes, they may be using it from the safety of their bedroom or backpack, but once they’re online, they’re, in essence, able to interact with the entire world. Some kids are inherently less impulsive than others; some self-regulate at earlier ages than others. Your kids will internalize the limits you set, so that by gradually increasing their freedom, you’re giving them the opportunity to show you that they can handle the next level of responsibility. Just as you wouldn’t give your teenager the keys to the car if you didn’t think she could go to a party and not drink before driving, you wouldn’t give her access to a type of technology you didn’t feel confident she could be safe with. Letting your kids show you they’re ready gives you peace of mind, and them the confidence of having earned your trust through their actions.
Be in this together. Because technology is ever-changing, and so are our kids, it’s important for them to feel that while you set the rules, communication is always open. If you notice a distinct change in your child’s behavior and friendships, and you check to see if cyber-bullying is occurring, you’re being a helpful parent, not an intrusive spy. If you set a rule but it’s not in line with what the technology actually does, listen to your child’s explanation, research it, and if you need to adjust the rule, then do so. If you find your child searching for something above his age level on the Internet and you want to give him more accurate information, start a conversation about it. Yes, kids can and should have their spheres of privacy. But they need to know that the Internet is a communal space, one that parents and kids are in together.
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My favorite tip is: 7. Have some rules about time and place for using mobile devices.
Set limits on the amount of time your kids spend online using mobile devices and where they can use them. Don’t let them ‘instant message’ if you don’t have monitoring software on the mobile device. Restrict time and sites for online gaming. —- For example, I plan on keeping the family computer in a kitchen nook so that whatever someone is doing, is visible by all in the family , so why not have rules for mobile phones, too?
I like the idea of not giving in to pressure from your kids!
I like the tip about using passwords so they have a gatekeeper!
Steven, you are the winner of this giveaway! Look for an email with instructions!
My favorite tip is setting your policy upfront. This will ensure that your child cannot say well I didn’t know if something is done you don’t want them to do.
I Luke knowing the child’s password and the obvious one…pay attention. Its surprising how many parents don’t and just not with the internet.
My favorite tip is talking to your kids about internet safety. You may think they are tuning you out, but chances are they are hearing you. Keep talking!@
Talking about Internet safety and not responding to someone you don’t know well or at all.
My husband and I already use the tip of monitoring our boys on-line use. Any passwords they need, we also keep track of. Looking into parental controls on my phone- great tip!
Tip #2–know what devices are internet able! So many kids access the internet via iPads, phones, etc, and parents might not even think about it!
allow children to use the internet, but remind them that you will be monitoring it. The internet should be a privilege that they earn, so they should follow guidelines in order to keep the privilege. Also, find the time to do things online together (games, interactive websites and educational websites, research) so that they are aware that there are so many great things to do, and they also realize that you as the parent are aware of what safe internet interactions look like, even at a glance.
Keeping control of mobile passwords
Favorite Tip:
Be involved online.
Parents are the role models for safe and smart use. Enjoy the good stuff together by joining social networks that your kids are involved in and by sharing favorite apps and helpful web sites.
i like #3, i made sure when i got them tablets that they had parental controls but when they use my phone or computer there is none. need to check on that!
thanks for the tips!!
My favorite tip is: Make sure kids feel safe to talk with you about their online activity. I think it’s important to keep the lines of communication open with my children at all times!
Be involved in your kids’ online activities–and their lives!
Make sure kids feel safe to talk with you about their online activity
I like the tip about having your childs password!
Tip 6, recommending to enable passwords so children have to come to you for access to the internet.
I didn’t realize there were parental controls on mobile devices. That is great to know!
“Tell your kids not to respond to online messages from people they’ve never met.” We always are telling our kids to not talk with strangers if we are not present. This is just an extension of that instruction!
They are all great tips. I also control passwords here.
password protection an be involved. we can’t afford ignorancr were are kids safety is involved!
I like tip #5 about kid appropriate sites. I also like #7 about time limits and rules for using devices. I monitor all sites my kids go on and try and limit the time they spend on devices. All the tips are great tools for keeping kids safe on the imternet
Favorite tip is # 4 – Tell your kids not to respond to online messages from people they’ve never met.
While this seem obvious like “don’t open the door or talk to strangers” it seems like it needs to be repeated to children, especially if the stranger is offering a prize if they complete a survey or reply to their email and start a chat/dialog.
I keep my son’s passwords to his social media accounts. I pop in and check them periodically. He knows the rule – if he changes his passwords, he loses his phone/internet privileges.
Tell your kids not to respond to online messages from people they’ve never met.
My favorite tip: Is making your children aware of not responding to strangers on the internet!
Communication for sure!! If you aren’t open and honest with your kids how can you expect them to be!
I like the contract/policy idea. I definitely keep my son’s phone during the night. There’s no going to bed with a phone.
They are all good tips. I like having the rules set up ahead of time so everyone knows the expectations.
talk to your kid and be involved
My favorite tip is”Be involved online.” I believe this is the best prevention tactic for safety. Words can go a long way, but being involved in the actual activity of your child will allow you to see first hand the actions of your child. This can go far beyond technology also.
My favorite tip is to tell your kids not to online message with people they have never met.
I love the thought of making a “contract.” I know when I was a kid, I often “forgot” being told certain things or had selective hearing when I wanted to. A contract is something that can easily be referenced as a reminder and a great way to hold your child accountable!
Parental controls on all devices…need to go check my daughter’s phone.
Definitely talking to your kids about internet safety is important.
I like and agree with the tip that parents need to set rules of their kids internet usage.
#1, and #9 – Open communication is key to all good relationships, especially ones with your children. My children trust that I will explain things to them when they ask (if appropriate), and therefore, they know that when we set rules it’s for their safety.
Be involved online. You have to understand what it is your kids are doing.
Find ways to use technology that lets us say “yes” more often than we say “no.”
I actually don’t think any of them are bad ideas! But, if I HAVE to choose…making policies and not giving in. Making them have manners is right up there, too!
I like the tip about making sure your kids feel safe about discussing their online activity with you. Of you have open communication, and you don’t rule by intomidation, I think your child will be more likely to come to you with something they encounter online.
My favorite tip is to Model Good Behavior!
Password Protection
Talking is such an important concept when dealing with issues with your children. Honesty and communication is what it’s all about!
I like the part about clarifying rules. It’s important to not only set up a list of rules but also to explain why they are important. It opens lines of communication.
My favorite tip would be talking to kids about internet safety. Internet is such a big part of their world and I think too many parents try to keep their kids away from it. It’s not possible to do that in this day and age so educating them properly is one of the best assets we can give our children.
Be involved with your kids!
I’m not a parent yet, but it seems like using a combination of controls/passwords, plus personal monitoring is the way to go…
Be upfront- we have a small child but have already discussed setting strict limits early on.
Talk to your kids and be involved. Know what they are doing!
i like the one about being in this together and keeping communicaton open
Password Protection!!
I think the best tip is John Walsh’s tip of technology not being “rocket science”. As technology evolves, it is important for parents to be knowledgeable of what is out there so that they can equally be comfortable with social media and devices as their kids. If you don’t know what it is, how can you monitor or help?
Diana C
My favorite tip-Use parental controls on all mobile devices. We also accompany kids when they are using the Internet at home.
Be involved!
Password protection!
Parental Controls! What would we do without them!?
TIP: Keep the computer the family room, a common room.
Favorite tip: Make sure your kids visit age-appropriate sites.
My favorite tip is “Have some rules about time and place for using mobile devices”.
i like the parent controls because there is no way around it unless you give up your access code.
I like this tip: Tell your kids not to respond to online messages from people they’ve never met.
tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com
Communicate and be involved with your kids online activities. Monitor all of their downloads!
Password protection!!!!! Have your kids come to you for any online activity that requires a password.
I like the tip to be sure and tell your kids not to respond to any online messages from people they do not know!
My favorite tip: Talking to them about Internet safety and your expectations.
Use password protection so that your child has to ask for you to enter.
Thanks for the tips.
Parental controls!
My favorite tip: Tell your kids not to respond to online messages from people they’ve never met.
My favorite rule is make sure your child is visiting age appropriate web sites.
I liked the tip on knowing what devices have internet access. My own father did not realize that almost every cell phone used these days has internet access.
My favorite tip: Use parental controls on all mobile devices
Where do I need to fill information for $50 giveaway card ?
I love the tip about talking to your kids and keep all lines of communication open!